Copy of Resentment - Chapter 37
Bian Shengjian’s memories of most of his childhood were actually very shallow, like faint scratched traces left on a wall made by a carbon rod, which could dissipate with a gust of wind.
But there was one scene that he could remember very clearly.
It was probably on a sunny afternoon, and the warm yellow light came down from the window, illuminating the dust floating in the air, and sprinkled on the corner of the rustic sofa cover along the way. On the sofa sat a woman who was seriously knitting with her head bent down, leaning against her was a small child, trying his best to put his head on her thigh.
Suddenly the door opened and a man came in. The woman immediately raised her head and smiled, stood up and brought out a steaming bowl of soup from their narrow kitchen.
The scene ended there.
When Bian Shengjian opened his eyes, what caught his attention was the familiar double-layered door, with an old-fashioned anti-theft iron fence. This was probably the first home Bian Jianhua moved with his wife and son after he started his business successfully. Although the location was still not very good, it was at least many times better than the previous staff dormitory with communal toilets.
But it was here that his childhood ended.
“Lu Shen,” Bian Shengjian’s voice is very low, “What exactly is her resentment?”
“You should know better than me about this,” Lu Shen said, “after all, she is your mother.”
Bian Shengjian did not speak.
At this moment, a sudden quarrel broke out inside the house. The wall with poor sound insulation could not stop these sounds, and it hit Bian Shengjian’s eardrum like sharp thorns.
“Where’s our son?! Didn’t you say you would pick him up?”
“Didn’t I just tell you this morning? I have a client whom I can’t just leave today! Shouldn’t you have picked him up instead of me?” The man’s voice rang out.
“Wait.” Lu Shen grabbed Bian Shengjian’s arm when he wanted to rush into the door, “Have you really thought about it?”
Bian Shengjian shook his hand off, as he glanced in front of him the scene of a strange yet familiar home.
Qin Wei was standing by the dining table and arguing loudly with Bian Jianhua. “The client you mentioned obviously would only arrive tomorrow! Didn’t I tell you that I have something to do this afternoon?”
“Wife,” Bian Jianhua’s tone softened quickly after arguing for a few words, “Alright, alright, let’s stop arguing, I’ll go to school to pick up our son now.”
“Why the hell are you like this?” Qin Wei slapped Bian Jianhua’s arm, her breath becoming labored, and even the speed of her talking became much faster than usual. “What if he had an accident?”
“Wife, what’s the matter with you?” Bian Jianhua frowned, intuitively feeling that his wife’s state was a little wrong. “Did you go to the hospital this afternoon? Did you find out what’s wrong with you?”
“I’m fine…” Qin Wei took a few breaths while leaning on the table, and murmured, “I met our son when I came back…”
“What?” Bian Jianhua was stunned, “Then why didn’t you bring him back?”
“No…it’s not the small one, it’s the big one…” Qin Wei’s hair was a little messy, and her expression was a little more irritable than when Bian Shengjian first saw her. “You understand what I mean?”
“You…wife, have you been under too much pressure recently?” Bian Jianhua tried to reach forward and touch her shoulder, but he was thrown away.
“Why did her mood suddenly become like this?” Bian Shengjian stood at the entrance and watched all this happening, as his heart almost beat out of control.
“Because according to what you said, your father and your mother will nevertheless quarrel in the end.” Lu Shen said calmly, “At present, the matter was just pushed in advance…As you can also see, your mother’s mental state has already begun to be unstable, moreover, our appearance just now further stimulated her.”
“Bipolar Disorder,” Lu Shen continued, “The clinical manifestations are manic episodes. In severe attacks, there may be brief auditory hallucinations or behavioral disturbances accompanied by impulsive behaviors, or transient disturbances of consciousness… There may also be excessive behaviors such as hurting people.”
“Then, did I harm her by appearing before her?” Bian Shengjian said audibly.
“No.” Lu Shen sighed deeply, “It’s not your fault, because whether we are here or not, the outcome will still be the same.”
Bian Shengjian simply glanced at him as he fell into a trance, thinking that he seemed to have uttered the first half of this sentence directed at someone.
“It’s not your fault.” Lu Shen said, “It’s just that you can’t change what has happened.”
“What if he gets hurt at school! What if he is bullied!” Qin Wei suddenly shouted, her voice sharp, “How are you responsible! How are you a responsible father?!”
“Qin Wei!” Bian Jianhua finally couldn’t help but yell again. “Have you had enough making trouble already? What’s the point of arguing here? I said I’ll go pick him up now!”
“You don’t understand anything!” Qin Wei reached out and pushed him hard. The whole person seemed to be in a state of irritability, which was completely different from the gentleness a while ago. “You don’t understand anything! “
“Fine, fine, fine. I don’t understand anything, okay?” Bian Jianhua looked very angry, but he still suppressed his anger. “I won’t argue back, I’ll go pick up our son now.”
“Jianhua…Jianhua!” Qin Wei suddenly shouted, panic written all over her face. “Is there anyone at the door?”
“Someone? Who?” Bian Jianhua hurriedly took a few steps and glanced at the door, only to see nothing. “Who would be here?”
“But I feel someone at the door!” Qin Wei reached out and scratched her long hair, her tone trembling. “I’m afraid…”
“What’s wrong with you, wife!” Bian Jianhua finally realized the seriousness of the matter, and quickly took a few steps forward and grabbed her hand. “No one, really no one, if you don’t believe me, take a look for yourself!”
“I feel like someone is trying to harm me.” Qin Wei trembled.
Lu Shen stood beside Bian Shengjian. He only sensed that the person beside him felt worse than the woman who was suffering from the disease. He couldn’t help reaching out and grabbing his hand, and grabbing it very tightly.
“She will die…” Bian Shengjian murmured.
“Weiwei! What the hell is wrong with you!” Bian Jianhua shouted, and out of the corner of his eyes, he suddenly saw a fruit knife lying on the corner of the table that had not been put away. He subconsciously wanted to reach out and take it away, lest his wife accidentally hurt herself in this strange irritable state. However Qin Wei was closer to the knife, and after seeing through Bian Jianhua’s attempt, she suddenly reached out and grabbed the handle of the knife, her face full of vigilance.
“What do you want to do?!”
“Wife!” Bian Jianhua was startled, and then his tone immediately calmed down. “I didn’t want to do anything, I was just afraid that you might hurt your hand. Darling, be good, give me the knife quickly.”
“You want to hurt me too?” Qin Wei stared at him tightly, her eyes looking confused. “Where’s San Bao? Where did you hide him!”
“Isn’t he still at school?” Bian Jianhua explained softly, slowly approaching and trying to grab the knife from her hand: “Don’t make trouble, give me the knife first.”
“Go away!” Qin Wei suddenly shouted, and made a move to stab Bian Jianhua with the knife. “You all want to hurt me!”
Bian Shengjian’s pupils shrunk to a tiny point in an instant, he subconsciously wanted to rush up, but his body couldn’t move at all just like before.
“Don’t move.” Lu Shen said, “Don’t talk either.”
“Weiwei, what are you doing!” Bian Jianhua roared, stretched out his hand and grasped the tip of the knife, blood dripped from his fingers almost instantly. “I’m Jianhua! Are you crazy?”
“Give me the knife!” He roared again, and then tried hard to pull the hilt out of Qin Wei’s hand.
In the midst of the screams and roars, Bian Shengjian felt that his ears had become deaf, his eyes blind, even his whole body was numb. His heart, which was beating uncontrollably, felt that it would almost pop out of his throat.
Until the door opened.
“Mom and Dad, I’m back…”
Bian Shengjian slowly lowered his head and saw a child who was only as high as his legs, passed through his body, and was stunned at the scene in front of him.
The blood slowly dyed the plain dress that Qin Wei was wearing, as if a rose was blooming in front of it, which looked bright and dazzling.
Bian Jianhua slowly let go of the hand holding the handle of the knife, supported her with a palm full of wounds and blood, and roared in horror. “Weiwei! Weiwei! Can you hear me!”
Bian Jianhua’s back stiffened, and when he turned around, he saw his dear little son standing a few steps away and looking at him, with an expression on his face that he couldn’t describe in words. “Why did you kill mother….”
“Uhmp…” A small whimper came out of Bian Shengjian’s throat. He was in pain, he was mad, but there was nothing he could do. Suddenly, a hand loosely blocked the scene in front of him.
“Don’t be afraid.”
Bian Shengjian kept his eyes open as he could, and peeked through the gaps between his fingers. At the moment the scene in front of him turned into a raging fire that burned his heart frantically. It burned through his lungs and liver, that even his soul was struggling.
“Shengjian, this incident is not your fault, nor is it your father’s fault.” Lu Shen gently kissed the hand wrapped around his eyes, and said slowly, “You have seen it, this is the truth of what happened back then.”
“Your mother’s resentment is the fear that you will blame and resent your father all your life because of this incident,” Lu Shen said. “Just like your name, she just wants you to be a simple and happy person.”
“120? That’s right! That’s the address! Please come quickly! My wife is dying!” Bian Jianhua shouted into the phone, hung up immediately, then stretched out his hand and pressed hard on Qin Wei’s chest, where blood kept pouring out, taking away her life, the whole person in a state of complete collapse. “Weiwei… Weiwei…. Ah!! Why did it suddenly become like this!”
Bian Shengjian did not look at the blood on the ground after tearing off the hand that covered his eyes, but fixed his gaze on the child. His back looked like he was about to fall, but he didn’t cry.
Lu Shen and him stared at the child who was still carrying his schoolbag, watching the expression on his face all the time, as his teeth were slowly clenched.
Distressed… No, it should be heartache. After all, at this time, he was only ten years old.
After experiencing this kind of thing, after growing up, he became the arrogant and domineering Third brother, but was gentle and a kind Young Bian in his heart.
This was the person he had fallen in love with, and he wouldn’t be able to find another one in the whole world.
“I’m sorry, we’ve done our best.” The doctor took off his mask, sighed hard and shook his head.
“What….what did you say?! You couldn’t save my wife!” Bian Jianhua shook the doctor’s shoulder frantically. “Impossible! She is still so young! She is only 34 years old!!
“I’m sorry, Mr. Bian, we really tried our best. When the madame was sent in, she was already in shock due to excessive blood loss…” The doctor’s words did not reach Bian Jianhua’s ears. Like a helpless child, he slowly slid to the ground, covered his face with his hands and cried.
“It’s almost time,” Lu Shen said, “Shengjian, you must show your thoughts now.”
Bian Shengjian didn’t speak. He quietly looked at the man who was kneeling on the ground crying, and asked, “…what?”
“Do you still hate your father?”
Lu Shen asked.
Bian Shengjian didn’t answer his question, but when the person in the operating room was slowly wheeled out, he stared intently at the beautiful face that had lost its blood.
After a long time, he turned his head and looked to the side, the child sitting on the bench with his head down, not making a fuss and not saying anything.
Tsk, he was really ugly when he was a kid.
“I don’t actually hate him.” Bian Shengjian was silent for a while and said, “But if I don’t hate him, I’m afraid I won’t find a second reason to live.”
“A second reason,” Lu Shen said, “then live for yourself.”
Bian Shengjian turned to look at him.
“Let go of the past and live for yourself.” Lu Shen also looked at him, “If your mother was still alive, she would definitely say the same.”
“Ah, that’s easy for you to say.” Bian Shengjian sighed suddenly, “But anyhow, I still don’t want him to follow the path I have taken.”
Lu Shen knew who he was referring to, and looked up at the child sitting on the bench. It took a long time before he replied softly, “Yeah.”
“Lu Shen.” Bian Shengjian said lightly, “Can we go out now?”
“…Have you already let go?” Lu Shen quietly observed the expression on his face.
“How is that possible,” Bian Shengjian glanced at the man who surrounded the sickbed and was in a state of constant emotional collapse. “I just suddenly realized that after so many years, it turns out that the most pitiful one was not me.”
Lu Shen didn’t speak any more. He raised his hand and threw out a spell just as the white cloth was about to cover her body. The moment it came into contact with Qin Wei’s quiet sleeping face, it ignited and dissipated into the air after a while.
The scene in front of them began to blur.
At the last moment, Lu Shen heard a low call from behind. “…Goodbye mom.”
Bian Shengjian struggled to open his eyes and met Lu Shen’s pale face.
“How is it?” Lu Shen said with some difficulty.
Bian Shengjian turned his head, his eyes fixed on the smiling black and white photo, and it took a long time before he said, “Thank you, Lu Shen.”
Lu Shen smiled, his lips looking pale, and his hands on the ground trembled slightly.
Bian Shengjian finally noticed his strangeness, frowned and reached out to support his shoulder. “What’s the matter?”
“It’s okay, I…”
Before Lu Shen could continue, he suddenly covered his mouth and coughed. A few seconds later, blood dripped down from his fingers.
“Lu Shen?” Bian Shengjian’s mind went blank for a few seconds when he saw the blood.
Lu Shen was still coughing, and the blood seemed to be unstoppable as it flowed from the corners of his lips. After letting go of his hand, he finally couldn’t hold back and fainted to the ground—
“Lu Shen!” Bian Shengjian exclaimed. The moment Lu Shen fainted, he was filled with anxiety and almost couldn’t find his voice.
“Lu Shen! Wake up!!”